Shadow of Relationships

Course Description

Relationships are a core component of human life. We are born into relationships and sustained by them. In them we find connection, support, meaning, and love. Relationships also have dark shadows. Cultural stories and societal expectations offer relationships as key to personal fulfillment. This leads us to seek wholeness through connection. We project our lacks onto others, burdening them with the task of meeting our needs. If left unconscious, we experience repetitive disillusionment in relationships and make destabilizing decisions, like affairs or impulsive changes.

In this course, Hollis offers the novel Madame Bovary as a reflection for seeking fulfillment outside of ourselves. Emma is limited by the culture of her time. Societal constraints on her gender leave her powerless to independently create the life she desires. As a result, she unconsciously projects what she lacks onto the world around her  Her fantasies for wholeness are temporarily met then ultimately disillusioned in a marriage, an affair, religion, and suicide. Hollis shows how her search is universally shared. Disconnection from inner empowerment, nurturance, and fulfillment leads to projecting these qualities outside of ourselves. Being unconsciously wedded to these projections, we are bound to cyclical boredom, dissatisfaction and disappointment. However, by working through our relationship shadow we can experience deeply enriching relationships.

Hollis speaks of the developmental journey to find what we seek within. Hollis describes the gifts of this inner work as greater wholeness and richer, less burdened relationships. Our companion guide will provide you a reflective space to explore these themes in your own life. It offers ways to understand fantasies for wholeness through another as an invitation to discover desired qualities within. This will support you in reclaiming the empowerment, nurturance and fulfillment you seek outside yourself. As a result, you can live with greater personal authority and enjoy richer relationships.

This course is ideal if

• You seek deeper, more fulfilling relationships—whether in friendships, partnerships, family, or romance.
• You are interested in understanding how one’s projections and fantasies about relationships (shadow) cause dissatisfaction and suffering.
• You desire a deeper understanding of how the neediness of one’s personality impacts relationships and how to change this.
• You are motivated to cultivate personal empowerment and self-nurturance through shadow work
• You are a coach, therapist, or healer who wants to expand your understanding and deepen your work with others on relationships.

Course Overview

Class 1: The forces upon a life 

Hollis presents ‘Madame Bovary’ not only as a rich literary work but also as a mirror reflecting a deeply human dilemma. Through Gustave Flaubert’s lens of literary realism, we see how Victorian society stifled passion and vitality, captured in vivid details of the mundane. Emma’s struggle becomes a universal story, her smallest actions expressing the tension between her desires and societal expectations. 

Hollis guides us to explore how suppressed aspects of our lives inevitably surface, shaping our experiences in unconscious ways. He explores the interplay between internal forces—the autonomous energies within us—and external pressures that confine us. Understanding these forces reveals the complexity of what drives our behaviors and reactions. Hollis poses a profound question to foster self-awareness and personal responsibility: “Where is that coming from in me?”

Class 2: Bridging the gap: The role of projection and fantasy

Hollis explores how we often live within the framework of expectations, pursuing the promise of an ideal. The belief is simple: if we follow this path, we will achieve that outcome. Yet, when reality fails to meet these promises, projections and fantasies rush in to fill the void. This is Emma’s plight. Her desires remain unmet by life itself, leaving her grasping to renew fantasies that cannot sustain her, perpetually incomplete.

Hollis points out that Emma’s struggle is one we all share. As humans, we long for the infinite, but our capacities are finite. To bridge this existential gap, we project our deep yearning for completion or transformation onto others. When the reality of what we have does not align with our desires, we experience boredom, dissatisfaction, and disappointment. In response, the ego retreats into fantasy, creating shadows that haunt our relationships.

Class 3: The invitation to turn within

Hollis explains that trying to find fulfillment outside of ourselves is ultimately ineffective. He points to cultural stories and ideals that perpetuate this fantasy and create intrinsic dissatisfaction. He names the inherent addictive attraction to external fixes, such as romantic love.  They temporarily quench our thirst but they cannot truly satisfy, trapping us in a cycle of repeating the fantasy.

Hollis offers an invitation to turn inward to develop what we crave within ourselves.  He identifies self-empowerment, self-nurturance and self-sustained fulfillment as life tasks for wholeness and richer relationships. Hollis notes that our relationships will never be more evolved than the relationship we have with ourselves. 

Class 4: Relating from wholeness

Hollis presents the paradox that satisfying relationships are only possible when we are accountable for our own needs.  He encourages a process of cultivating the inner qualities we seek in the world.  He suggests that our fantasies for a fix or completion are not a problem per se, but also not a solution. They can be signs of our relationship shadow. They point to the call for inner development and personal accountability in meeting our desires and needs. Hollis and our companion guide give suggestions on how to do this important inner work. This results in relationships that are richer, freer, and more satisfying.